My upcoming vacation

I'll be taking a vacation soon.

Because I need to do something "exotic".

I'll be, uhhh...hiking on the Appalachian Trail!

Yeah, that's the ticket!

My motto is "Be Prepared," just like the Boy Scouts! I already have everything I need:

my passport (in case I forget to stop at the end and hike into Canada by mistake)

Ten grand in traveler's cheques (Dinty Moore Beef Stew has gotten expensive these days...hey, didja catch my subtle international spelling of "checks"?)

a dozen condoms (you never know when you'll run into a horny grizzly!)

and a size 6 negligee (ditto!)

All set!

Oh shit, waitaminute!!!

I just remembered...I'm taking my wife!

OK, I guess I'm going to go sailing instead!

Anyway, it's more fun and way less stressful; and it will significantly lessen the possibility of having to issue an embarrassing and humiliating public apology!

(...although...considering the way I sometimes handle the boat, it might STILL be required!)